Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Onwards and Upwards

Sometimes one wishes to be something they are not.  Most of us have done this at least once in our lives.  The, "I wish I was..." taller, shorter, smarter, funnier, richer, etc., etc.  I have definitely wished to be something I wasn't at various points in my life.  Tonight, I was wishing I was faster.  It was track night.

I was kind of tired when I arrived at the track, but I assumed I would shake it off during my warm up run of a few laps.  I ran with my friend M at 6:00 this morning, (8km) so my fatigue could be due to it being my first "double" since the baby.  We were set to run 5 laps, 4 laps, 3 laps, 2 laps then 1 lap.  By the end of the 2k (5 lap) I was spent.  How could I possibly do any more?  Why are my shoes full of lead?  Ugh.  I was keeping a pace of 6:25/mile.  I was in the back of the pack.  Mentally it was hard to take.  I had *speed envy*.

I got through it, and my final lap was strong.  I did want to lie down on the track as soon as I finished though.  I plugged through a cool down run and drove home.

During the drive I reflected on all of those feelings of envy I had at the track.  I wasn't envious of the other runners passing me by, leaving me behind with nothing but a slower time.  I was envious of the runner I used to be when I would go out to the track or races.  I was faster.  It didn't seem so hard to stay closer to the front of the pack.
But, that was then, and this is now.  I have to remember that I am the runner I am today.  I am building my strength and endurance from this point forward, and every race and workout is something I am working toward as the runner I am now.  I must stop thinking about getting *back* into shape, and start thinking about working on becoming a stronger athlete.

I am a runner and a mom.  In a lot of ways, being a mom has made me more focused and faster.  I have a four year old that asks, "how was your run?" when I walk in the house in my running shoes.  My 2 year old asked me this morning, "did you put on your bandaid and your running shoes?" (I had a blister)  I will probably still have moments that I wish I was faster (especially nearing the end of races when I can see people that have already finished, eating their bagel, wearing their medals, resting!) but I am going to resolve to be the best version of who I am now.

My three turkeys

Happy Running :)

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