Exactly one year ago today.
One year ago today, I woke up after a wonderful night of sleep, rested and bleary-eyed. It was still dark, but I was ready. I had my best friend beside me, also eager and a bit bleary-eyed. We went down to the lobby of our hotel for some breakfast. I was ready.
After some last-minute checks/re-checks of my things, (one more bathroom break, and likely one more check of the weather forecast, knowing me) we headed up Boylston to Boston Commons.
Everyone walking had a big yellow plastic bag around their chest/shoulder, complete with a sticker of their bib number, and city of origin. It was fascinating to be a "bib number watcher" (just like people-watching, but the bib number at Boston holds a bit of a key to how fast the person is, so it's like you know more about them than meets the eye).
As Papa and I waited for my bus (the lineups were lonnnnnng) he kept me warm and cozy with cuddles. I mentally noted those cuddles, as I knew the day would be long, and the miles would feel longer.
It was such a gorgeous sunny day. The temperature was dreamy. It was perfect.
We all know that it became "not perfect".
It is hard to believe an entire year has passed, since my mind raced with the thought, "everything has changed in this moment," as I ran down the street. Those moments that passed in slow motion. Those moments when I was searching for him. That moment when I found him (or he found me). Those feelings of just wanting to be home.
I have cried. I have felt guilty. I have felt proud. I have felt angry. I have felt scared. I have felt nervous. I have felt strong.
More than all of those things, I have felt the continuous momentum of moving forward. The support and love I have felt from everyone I know. My friends, my family, my colleagues. I have lined up for races. I have completed races, and felt the joy and freedom that running really is.
I know I am ready to be part of something special. again.