One Year

Exactly one year ago today.

One year ago today, I woke up after a wonderful night of sleep, rested and bleary-eyed. It was still dark, but I was ready. I had my best friend beside me, also eager and a bit bleary-eyed. We went down to the lobby of our hotel for some breakfast. I was ready.

After some last-minute checks/re-checks of my things, (one more bathroom break, and likely one more check of the weather forecast, knowing me) we headed up Boylston to Boston Commons.

Everyone walking had a big yellow plastic bag around their chest/shoulder, complete with a sticker of their bib number, and city of origin. It was fascinating to be a "bib number watcher" (just like people-watching, but the bib number at Boston holds a bit of a key to how fast the person is, so it's like you know more about them than meets the eye).

As Papa and I waited for my bus (the lineups were lonnnnnng) he kept me warm and cozy with cuddles. I mentally noted those cuddles, as I knew the day would be long, and the miles would feel longer.

It was such a gorgeous sunny day. The temperature was dreamy. It was perfect.

We all know that it became "not perfect".

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It is hard to believe an entire year has passed, since my mind raced with the thought, "everything has changed in this moment," as I ran down the street. Those moments that passed in slow motion. Those moments when I was searching for him. That moment when I found him (or he found me).  Those feelings of just wanting to be home.


The uncertainty.

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I have cried.  I have felt guilty.  I have felt proud.  I have felt angry.  I have felt scared. I have felt nervous. I have felt strong.

More than all of those things, I have felt the continuous momentum of moving forward.  The support and love I have felt from everyone I know.  My friends, my family, my colleagues.  I have lined up for races.  I have completed races, and felt the joy and freedom that running really is.

I know I am ready to be part of something special. again.

Guelph has such Friendly, Helpful People!

Yesterday, I went out for my first bike ride of the season.  I made the other girls promise to be nice to me...my injury is (thankfully) behind me now, but I know I still am a bit weak.  Tricia and Sylvie are amazing company, and I know they would not want to torture me with too much speed/hills!

Thanks for the photo, Sylvie!

We had an awesome ride, and afterwards, we headed downtown Guelph to check out the anniversary sale at the Running Works.

The store was packed with people, but we were still able to look around.  I found a cool pair of shorts, but they were not my size.  Andrew, the store owner, gladly got me the right size off the mannequin in the front window.  After trying them on, I decided they weren't for me.  I carried them with me while we got in line.  The store was a bit chaotic, and the lineup was a bit long.
One of the guys checked in with us to ask if we were in line, and we said yes.  What a helpful staff at this store!
I asked the guy to kindly take the shorts, and pointed to the poor mannequin in the window.  I asked him to put her shorts back on.
As the man walked away, I started to think for a second.  I said to my friends, "Hmmmm.  I don't think he works here, does he?"
The guy behind us in line said, "Um, he doesn't work here.  He's my dad."

Oooops.

I ran up to the front of the store (in total embarrassment)! The super friendly guy was attempting to navigate the mannequin.  I felt terrible, but he was laughing and seemed very good-humoured about it!

I wish I had a picture of him, or even his name!  Thanks, guy from Guelph!

I'm sure everyone has done that before, no?  Is it just me?

Tread Lightly

This isn't a normal, happy running post.  I am still a very happy runner, don't worry.  Actually, I am a very happy runner that graduated from Physio yesterday!  I am so thankful to my wonderful physiotherapist for helping me to be able to (walk) and run again, but that is another post for another time...

I've got other things on my mind today.

I quite enjoy this blog, and my own little corner I have carved in the internet.  I have a great time writing about my running, my kids, and whatever may come to mind.  When I first started writing this blog almost four years ago, I thought it was a great way for me to keep a record of my own running antics, and it was fun to share it with others, if they wished to read it.

I did some blogging for iRun back in 2012, and that was fun too.  It was funny to think that people I didn’t know might be able to read what I had to say.  The internet is tricky that way.  People might/will be reading, even when you are unaware of it.

As I have a running blog, I read other running blogs (and other types of blogs too—I enjoy having a peek into the perspectives of other people, even people I haven’t met).  I have Facebook.  I love Facebook.  I love seeing photos, stories, and hearing from friends and family when I otherwise might not get a chance. 

I love seeing status updates like, “I signed up for a 5k!” or, “Ran the Around the Bay this morning!”  I love reading blog posts that include race recaps.  Detailed reports about each mile, the venue, the weather...I soak it all up.  If I haven’t been running, I want to live vicariously!  Race photos of my friends holding a medal and a banana at the end of a race, photos of a beautiful trail run, or even a more personal, private message involving a funny inside joke from a training run/swim/bike ride are the reasons I would never be able to give up social media.  Although it doesn’t replace a real-life connection to people, I really do enjoy it.

I am a teacher, and I spend my days with teenagers.  I feel very lucky to have a job in which I can engage with young people through coaching and teaching.  In many ways, they are sponges that are absorbing and reacting to everything that happens around them.  Much like my boys as toddlers, really.  But with fancy cell phones and (a little) more angst.

Yesterday I spent some time in a PD (professional development) session, where we focused on social media and how amazing it is a tool, and how scary it can be, especially for the young minds we are shaping every day.  I learned that perhaps I should take my twitter account from the “egg” stage to actually trying a tweet (gulp).  The session also got me to thinking about the power that social media has on all of us.

This got me thinking about how social media and the internet have the power to inspire us, and perhaps do the opposite.

When I am training for an upcoming race, I find myself reading as much as I can about it.  Training tips, obsessive checks of the race website, the weather, forums on the race or event, and, my personal weakness, “race pace calculators” (I love me a good pace calculator)!  I find myself pumped up and excited about the next challenge, and reading about it is as exciting as the training itself.

But.  There are also lots of messages out there, masked as inspiration to help “pump us up” that make me feel anxious and uneasy.  These messages are a bit tricky.  They are sneaky shaming messages that hide behind the “inspirational” front.  They are of the “fitspiration” variety.  And I want them to go. away. 

What is a “fitspirational” quote or image?  They have been around for a while, and Pinterest and Instagram are often where they can be found.  They do find their way to Facebook and Twitter also.  I really really do not want to post any of these images here, as I feel that, even though I wouldn’t be doing so in an inspirational context, it is not something I want to post. 

We’ve all seen them though,* and the message is clear.  Words like “Eat Clean,” and “strong/strength” are common. The idea that we should feel guilt or regret by skipping a workout or eating that non-restrictive food is the message.  That we are somehow weak if we allow ourselves to give in to enjoying anything other than endorphins and pain to really feel like strong women.

*Picture a photo(shopped) image of a muscular, bikini-clad (young) woman, glistening with sweat, in an athletic pose.  Along with the image is a quote.  It is about being strong.  It is about working hard for perfection.  It is about having the willpower to refuse "bad" foods.  It is about shaming us into wanting that perfection, or feeling bad that we don’t want to work for that perfection.

So, so tricky.

So, not what I (as a grown adult) want to spend any time feeling anxious about.  So, so not what I want any of the precious teenagers that I spend time with, feeling badly about. 

I know lots and lots of very fit people.  I know lots of people that live a healthy lifestyle.  I like to think of myself as one of those people that (tries) to eat healthy foods, works hard when I am running, and hopes that my children will be strong, healthy kids with a positive outlook on exercise and healthy eating.  I would argue that we all want to be healthy and injury-free. 

But messages in the form of “fitspiration” are not helping anyone here.  Seeing an image, or powerful words that make me feel shamed for eating a donut, or shamed because I didn’t sweat today isn’t helping anyone.  It is just perpetuating the cycle of making us feel guilty.  For nothing.

Of course, I must state that this is my opinion.  I feel strongly that motivation driven by shame and guilt can be damaging (there is probably actual research out there to back this up, but I am really just sharing how I feel here) to anyone that falls into this cycle. 

I think we should all take a second to think about what is driving us to “share” or “pin” or “like” these messages on social media.  We should all take a second to think about who might be viewing this.  Who’s daughter or friend or sister is looking?  We don’t know for sure, do we?

It's been a long, long winter (to say the least)!

It's been a long and brutal winter out there. The cold, relentless winds.  The snow. Oh, the snow.  The short, dark days. The frost quakes. The crispy air that freezes the tip of your nose the moment you step outside.

If there ever was a winter to get injured, this was the one.

So I did.

But not on purpose, don't worry.  Part of me actually wondered whether I was faking an injury when I would read the weather forecast. As I peered out the window at the snow, piled high, wind blowing, I wondered how I would have mustered up the gumption to tie up my runners if I had been able to bend down properly!

I really don't like dwelling on an injury, hence me not blogging about it here over he last couple of months. But now, as I feel like I can actually see the light at the end of this long long tunnel of injury, I am inspired to talk about it.

That, and the fact that Boston is just FIFTEEN days from today!

Where to begin?  Waaaaaay back in January, I was running along as I usually do, with no real mileage increases, taking it easy, gearing up for the beginning of February when I planned to make those long runs even longer than the 12-14 miles that I had been doing for a couple of months.

I was excited to have a (loose) training plan, that even included some biking (on our new exciting trainer!) and swimming. I decided that I would try to make Thursday night track nights a priority again, as the indoor track is so warm and motivating. Things were goooood.

There was ice everywhere, and, as I was leaving the house one morning, I slipped. Not a huge slip, but I zigged when I should have zagged, and I felt a big pull in my right hip flexor. It didn't feel good, but it wasn't awful. As the day went on, I tried to stretch it out a bit.  I went out to the track that night, I went for a tempo run a couple of days later, I did my long run, etc.  I could still feel it, but I thought I could just "stretch it out". Then, it wasn't fine.

After a week, I went to physio.  She said it should be a quick fix, and she did some massage. Of course, being the intelligent, experienced runner that I am, I dashed from physio straight to a track workout, trying not to miss a beat.

Oops.

Within a week, I wasn't able to run without pain in my hip. Actually, I wasn't able to walk without pain in my hip. The pain moved around, from my hip flexor, to the side of my hip, my IT band (from compensating while trying to walk). I was hobbling around like a little old lady and it was not pretty.

I took a full week off of running, I diligently went to the pool to swim, and water-run, and it seemed to make a difference. So back out running I went!

But then the pain came back.

I repeated this cycle one more time, before resigning to the fact that this was not some little injury that would go away with my recipe of optimism/physio/running through it. :(

The pool became my friend. I gained a great deal of mental strength by "running" between 45mins-1 hour of intervals. I actually enjoyed it. It was warm, easy to "people watch" and, if nothing else, it made me feel like I wasn't losing all fitness. Unfortunately, I missed out on some long run time by not being able to run for real.

Almost a month ago, after an entire month off of running, my hip was feeling normal again. I decided to try running on the treadmill. I walked for 1mile, ran for 1mile, then walked another mile. Those were baby-steps in the right direction!  I called them "micro-runs". I did a full week of micro-running, then graduated into a real 5km "long run" outside! Yippee!

Thank goodness for the pool, as I am now up to 10km real runs, and, if it weren't for my attempts to stay conservative for the sake of my hip, I would want to just keep going. Especially now that the days are longer and the sun is shining.

...maybe I was faking this injury due to the weather?!

Will I actually be lining up in Boston?  Yep. Will it be a super-conservative-slow-run/walk-effort?  Yep. Am I disappointed about that?  A little. I was never planning on racing at Boston this year (it will be far too emotional, I assume) but I never in a million years would have thought that I would be looking up the time limit as to when the course would be closing at Boston (of all races)...

Upwards and Onwards, they say.

Our packages arrived from our friends at the BAA!